My definition of a manifesto is a living proclamation that embodies and affirms who you are and what you stand for.

It took writing my own to understand the power of self-proclaiming my purpose, desires and the futures I’m committed to creating. The best way to describe this process is that it’s a reflective, heart-opening meditation on all of the essential experiences that have held meaning over the years, shaping my values but most importantly—shaping me.

When my last long-term relationship of 7 years ended, I was grieving the loss of what felt like a shattering of everything I thought I knew about love. I spent three years picking up the pieces and entering and exiting unfulfilling relationships. And, I read. I read to not only learn how to love but also how to love myself the way I desired to love others

Four years ago, I didn’t anticipate developing a deep connection with a system designed for integrating my deepest desires into my day-to-day. Discovering Danielle Laporte’s Desire Map Planner changed the way I understood time, set goals, and approached my to-do lists.

It was everything that I needed, for a long time. A dear companion. A diary. A soul-filled planning system.

I’ve been pulling cards lately.

SoulCards.
The Orisha cards.
Cards online.
Cards offline.

But most recently, I’ve been drawn to the Motherpeace tarot deck.

When you’re so used to feeling pain and experiencing loss and heartbreak and trauma, you start to believe you are that pain, loss, heartbreak, and trauma. It’s a toxic relationship that you become attached to, dangerously dependent upon, and it’s scary to think that you may lose the very part of yourself that has been so close, so comforting even with its psychological turmoil and self-destructive patterns.

I was deep in the process of creating something so personally meaningful and also felt a wave of emotions pulling me into an anticlimactic ending that barely recognized joy.